The two sets of terms are subtly different: for example, someone may choose to act as bottom to another person, for example, by being whipped, purely recreationally, without any implication of being psychologically dominated, and submissives may be ordered to massage their dominant partners. The terms top and bottom are also used the top is the instigator of an action while the bottom is the receiver of the action. The terms submissive and dominant are often used to distinguish these roles: the dominant partner ("dom") takes psychological control over the submissive ("sub"). BDSM communities generally welcome anyone with a non-normative streak who identifies with the community this may include cross-dressers, body modification enthusiasts, animal roleplayers, rubber fetishists, and others.Īctivities and relationships in BDSM are often characterized by the participants' taking on roles that are complementary and involve inequality of power thus, the idea of informed consent of both the partners is essential. BDSM is now used as a catch-all phrase covering a wide range of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures. The term BDSM is first recorded in a Usenet post from 1991, and is interpreted as a combination of the abbreviations B/D (Bondage and Discipline), D/s (Dominance and submission), and S/M (Sadism and Masochism). Given the wide range of practices, some of which may be engaged in by people who do not consider themselves to be practising BDSM, inclusion in the BDSM community or subculture often is said to depend on self-identification and shared experience. In the context of how much violence against women there is, we can’t ignore this.BDSM is a variety of often erotic practices or roleplaying involving bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism, and other related interpersonal dynamics. “When we focus on consent we set the bar really low for what is in any other context criminal acts of violence. “We should first of all ask women about what they want, their actual desire, not their agreement. The idea of consent was also problematic, when it really just meant “to agree,” and didn’t take into account gendered power dynamics, pressure, desire, and concerns for safety if a refusal was given, Benton-Greig said. As we talk about it becoming ‘common’ people start thinking it's something they ‘should’ do, and they're uncool if they don't.” “The research in this area is suggesting those who do those acts do it because they think it’s what men should do, or what women want. While the numbers were high, she warned against ‘normalising’ non-typical sex acts. This is a near stranger, and these are the kinds of practices that need existing relationships of trust and care, and that’s the part that's missing.” “In the context of online dating, we are talking about people who might have only met for the first time, or a couple of times. New Zealand has high rates of intimate partner violence. Paulette Benton-Greig, a lecturer and researcher in gendered violence at Auckland University of Technology.
“One guy went to spit in my mouth and I stopped him afterward and said I didn't like it. “I noticed the younger the guys, the more violent they are in bed,” one woman in the survey said.
Researchers at the University of Auckland are among those, including from the United Kingdom, who argue this can normalise violence against women. The results come at a time when researchers here and abroad raise concerns with the use of “rough sex” as a rape defence, including claims by defence lawyers that women “wanted it,” even in cases where they had been strangled to death, such as in the case of Auckland woman Grace Millane.īreath play or choking is a recognised practice within BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism), where its used consensually and with rules – such as a safe word and other protections.īut it is now prolific in popular culture and pornography and, anecdotally, violent acts against women in the bedroom are becoming more mainstream.